Are you open to meeting the love of your life or your new best friend?

YourVibrantLifeSummit_TandyElisala

 

Are you open to meeting the love of your life or your new best friend?

Guest Article by: Rose Hawley-Perry

My friend Rose is a speaker for Your Vibrant Life Summit (you can still grab your free seat here for this one-of-a-kind 14 day event) and we talked about 3 simple changes to make in your daily routine to start getting the important sh&t done. What does meeting the love of your life have to do with this? Well… it’s about creating space for what we want in life. This was just one of several topics we tackled. Enjoy!

MO_AreYouOpen

 

I hear many adults complain about how hard it is to find a life partner or even a new friend. I can certainly relate.  I have been known to say that once you are out of school it is much harder to get close to new people, and it is.  School is the perfect place to spend time with someone over and over again and to get to know them without having to purposely set up times to see someone.

However, I have to say I loved dating!  So much so that sometimes I wish I would have done a little more dating.  I got married to my high school sweetheart at 20 and then after my divorce I only dated about 6 months before I met my true love.  I know I didn’t have a chance to get really tired of the whole thing but I also think that the way the I went into dating made all the difference, although at the time I was doing it for completely different reasons.

After the divorce I didn’t trust my instincts and wanted to make sure that I didn’t fall into dating a person that “felt right” because the feeling was familiar, i.e. like my ex. Also I wanted to take advantage of the powerful, wonderful feeling I had from taking control of my life.  I honestly, had decided that being alone for the rest of my life was fine, but I like masculine energy. So I decided about 6 months after asking for a divorce to start dating but I gave myself some strict rules:

  • No focusing on one person, this was a time to explore and so I let everyone I dated know that they were only one of the people I was dating.  This particular rule lead me to the first person I had a date with who was also not interested in anything serious and we dated the entire time I was dating.  We are friends today and I love him dearly.
  • No sex.  I knew myself and that was a sure way for me to get serious.
  • The third and I think most important rule for this discussion was: Say YES to EVERY first date. If someone was brave enough to ask me out I said yes.  I said yes to a 20 something, pot-smoking, glass blower.  I said yes to a 60-something Harley-rider. You get the idea.
Each time I time I went out on a date my only plan was to have a good time and to get to know the person I was with and myself a little bit more. It worked. Click To Tweet

I learned a ton about myself and who I want to be around.  It was an awesome experience.  I can’t say that there were no tough times.  I got pulled into some passive aggressive behavior with someone, which threw my brain into some old patterns. However, I got myself out within a week and I was so PROUD that I had figured it out and gotten out. I went on dates where I was uncomfortably liked right away, and dates where we had nothing to talk about. Each was a learning experience.

The best part of all of these rules was that they left me open to the LOVE OF MY LIFE. At the time we meet again was working as VFX artist in Los Angeles.  If I had been looking for a partner and not just experiences at that time I would have not “wasted” my time with someone from LA.  I knew I would not move away, my child and his father and I all need to live close together. The film industry is in LA so he “couldn’t” move…..See how I could have rationalized not even getting to know this person better?

Last night was our 5 year anniversary of the first time he flew to Seattle to see me.  Now, he lives in Seattle with me and has found his own creative community here.

So what did I learn from all of this?

  • Be open to what the universe has to offer.
  • Be more into the experience than the outcome.
  • Don’t over think new relationships. Don’t overanalyze, go with the flow.
  • Say yes to new people in your life. You never know they could be a great new friend or the love of your life.

Now for the hard part, taking those lessons and bringing them into parts the business and financial parts of my life.  Ok universe, opening myself up to what you have to offer.

Rose(1)About Rose Hawley-Perry:

Mindfully Organized comes from my heart and soul. Let me introduce myself. I am Rose Hawley-Perry, The De-Clutter Your Mind So Your Soul Can Shine Coach.

 

 

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Tandy Elisala

Family Caregiver Coach, Cancer Empowerment Advocate and Chief Inspiration Officer at Center for Inspiring Greatness | Empowered Family Caregiver
Tandy Elisala is passionate about helping family caregivers go from being overwhelmed and stressed to empowered and calm. Tandy went through cancer four times and learned how to heal using conventional, complementary, and alternative therapy. Tandy left her corporate career to take care of both parents simultaneously while raising three kids as a single mom. She took care of both parents for 2 1/2 years until their respective deaths. Tandy now teaches what she learned on her journey. Tandy is a family caregiver coach, a multiple best-selling author, inspirational speaker and mom to three adult kids, one angel dog and one diva cat.

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6 replies
  1. K. Lee Banks
    K. Lee Banks says:

    Yes, several months after my nearly 20-year marriage ended to my four kids’ father (they were in their teens and early 20s by then–oldest from a previous brief marriage that ended due to abuse and unfaithfulness on his part), I tried online dating. After several duds (including a few real creeps), I in fact DID meet the love of my life.

    We first just chatted online (Dec. 2002), then talked on the phone for the first time on New Year’s Eve (12/31/2002). Silly man (Dave) drove through a snowstorm on Jan. 4, 2003, to meet me in person (I was in NH, he was in Maine). Things went well, so for a few months, we did the back and forth visiting between the two states on weekends. Then in May 2003, he invited me to move to Maine; I did. We got married in February 2006 – and are still very much in love, with no regrets!

    Reply
    • Tandy Elisala
      Tandy Elisala says:

      Thanks for stopping by, Laurel. I thought it was great advice for singles, too. I’m glad Rose allowed me to feature this article on my blog.

      Reply
  2. Alana
    Alana says:

    A friend (we are both in our 60’s) was widowed a couple of years ago after having been married for 30 years. She’s had a couple of relationships – one, that went nowhere, and one which has led to a friendship, someone who has stuck to being a friend while she is being treated for cancer. (Now, how cool is that?). I look at her and wonder what it is like to have to start over. I have been married for almost 41 years and if something happened where I had to start dating, I would be lost – maybe I should ask you to send over the glass blower and the Harley rider. You know, I like the philosophy of not turning anyone down for a first date (unless I truly know that person is awful). I hope I never have to find out..

    Reply
    • Tandy Elisala
      Tandy Elisala says:

      Hi Alana, it’s great to see you here:-) Congratulations on being married for 41 years. In this day and age, unfortunately, this is quite an accomplishment. I’m sure you will never have to find out about dating in this day and age…

      Reply

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