7 part series-Drop the Rules: The best gift you can give yourself 1/7

7 part series: Drop the Rules



The beginning and end of each year marks a common time for goal setting. While this is wildly important, this series is about something virtually everyone experiences yet, not as many people discuss. This is about giving you tools to release grief so you can experience greater success, peace, and joy in life.

Grief takes many forms. You can grieve for a number of reasons including:

·      Job loss

·      Loss of health

·      Loss of home

·      Loss of friendships

·      Loss of freedom

·      Loss of relationships

·      Death of a loved one

·      Loss of innocence

·      Pet loss

·      Loss of car

·      Loss of income

·      Loss of a person they were before an injury or illness

The list goes on…

To truly experience long-term life success, we must release that which no longer serves us.  In this 7 part series, you’ll learn different perspectives on healing through grief with exercises to help you; whether now or in the future. At the end of this series, you’ll have 7 new practical and effective tools for your life tool kit.  


When you lose something or someone, people are quick to offer advice or words of wisdom. Often times, these people unknowingly make you feel worse. I have been guilty of this myself. Additionally, there are unwritten ‘rules’ about how you are ‘supposed’ to act after a loss. Does this sound familiar:

·      Get over it 

·      Time heals all wounds

·      You’ll find someone else

·      It wasn’t meant to be

·      There’s more fish in the sea or there’s other …

·      Stop crying

·      No sense worrying about it if there’s nothing you can do about it

·      Keep busy and you won’t think about it

·      You needed a new….

·      The list goes on…

An important distinction to make is, no matter what adversity you experience, you get through it. You never get over it. Trying to get over something is futile. Still, you try and try. Without giving yourself time to grieve in the way that is right for you, you resist the very thing you are trying to do: get through the situation and heal. 

In this 7 part series, you’ll learn:

      The best gift you can give yourself

       How to turn silver into gold

        Just how important your voice is  

        How you car is your lifeline

       Why hugging a tree is important

       The six letter word that changes everything

       What cooking teaches us about healing

Here’s to dropping the rules!


Dropping the rules:

The best gift you can give yourself – Day 1



Many times when we lose someone, we think of ways to get back at the person or make him or her suffer. We mistakenly think that getting revenge in some way will make us feel better.

This thinking serves to feed the anger, sadness, etc… We also think that forgiveness is about the other person. We may think that by forgiving the Autumn dayother person, we are condoning the behavior. This isn’t the case.

I challenge you to think about forgiveness differently. Consider the possibility that forgiveness is about YOUR growth and well-being.  It is a gift you give yourself…for in doing so; you release negative feelings about the situation. Of course, you may remember the situation and this is okay. I posted a blog about what letting go IS and what it ISN’T. Feel free to refer to this and see if it helps see things differently. Here are a few excerpts from this article: 

  • To “let go” does not mean to stop caring.  It means I can’t do it for someone else.
  • To “let go” is not to cut myself off. It is the realization that I can’t control another.
  • To “let go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences



After all, why would you let someone that doesn’t deserve it occupy precious space in your head?

By forgiving, you let the situation and/or person go; opening up space for more good in your life. You deserve all the good in the world!

In a previous post, forgiveness and healing, I offer a powerful visualization exercise to facilitate forgiveness. I invite you to try this exercise. Let me know what you experience. You deserve ALL THE BEST life has to offer.


“When I know better I do better.” ~ Maya Angelou


IT’S YOUR TURN: What person or situation do you need to release negative feelings about?  Today is the perfect day to release yourself from these feelings and allow all the good you deserve to come forth. Please comment below!


                                        See below or click here for your FREE gift

Harness your power within-3dcoverC


“Harness Your Power Within: Proven Tools to Transform Your Life TODAY”  


Dedicated to YOUR success,



Tandy Elisala, MA, CPSC, ACT, CHt, TFT-fAlg, is founder and CEO of Center for Inspiring Greatness.™  Tandy is a Care Giving Expert,

Tandy Elisala Bio Pic

Tandy Elisala Bio Pic

Certified Professional Success Coach, Author and Consultant. She is certified in various alternative-healing modalities. Tandy has 25 years’ proven experience as a corporate executive, speaker and coach.  Tandy was a full-time caregiver for both parents simultaneously while kicking cancer’s butt a third time and raising three children as a single parent. Tandy lives in Phoenix, Arizona, with her three kids, two dogs, and three cats. Tandy’s book, Healing Through the Chaos: Practical Care-Giving is available for pre-order at http://www.tandyelisala.com


FREE GIFT:      

“Harness Your Power Within: Proven Tools to Transform Your Life TODAY”   


This 87 page workbook style eBook gives you a proven & simple path to overall well-being. Learn practical tools to bring positive results with self-care, health, wealth, business & relationships. Exclusive imagery & affirmation techniques & best practices are integrated to help you release, reassess and harness your power within!


© Copyright 2013, Tandy Elisala, http://www.centerforinspiringgreatness.com and http://www.tandyelisala.com. Permission is granted to copy, forward, or distribute this article for non-commercial use only, as long as this copyright byline and bio, in totality, is maintained in all duplications, copies, and link references.  For reprint permission for any commercial use, in any form of media, please contact Tandy at tandy@tandyelisala.com




Follow me

Tandy Elisala

Family Caregiver Coach, Cancer Empowerment Advocate and Chief Inspiration Officer at Center for Inspiring Greatness | Empowered Family Caregiver
Tandy Elisala is passionate about helping family caregivers go from being overwhelmed and stressed to empowered and calm. Tandy went through cancer four times and learned how to heal using conventional, complementary, and alternative therapy. Tandy left her corporate career to take care of both parents simultaneously while raising three kids as a single mom. She took care of both parents for 2 1/2 years until their respective deaths. Tandy now teaches what she learned on her journey. Tandy is a family caregiver coach, a multiple best-selling author, inspirational speaker and mom to three adult kids, one angel dog and one diva cat.

Join our Facebook community at http://www.facebook.com/groups/EmpoweredFamilyCaregiver

©Copyright 2003-Present All rights reserved
Follow me
9 replies
  1. Nate Leung
    Nate Leung says:

    Hi Tandy,

    I like what you’re saying about forgiveness. Often times when someone “does” us wrong we always want to do something back to the the person to call it even. This is how I look at it… say someone says something to you that you don’t like. Here is the real thinking begins… really what the person is saying is that they are talking about themselves. It’s something with the person that is getting them to bring up the point of whatever it is that they are saying to you. With that being said we sometimes do not look at things from that perspective and find any reason or possibility to get the person back. Not the way to handle things. That’s my take on it!

    • TandyMain
      TandyMain says:

      I agree 100% Nate. That’s my take on it too. Without that thinking though, it can be hard for people to see it this way. The sad part is anytime we are in a lower vibration of feeling and thinking, we are hurting ourselves. There’s another saying that I saw recently… What other people think of me is none of my business! Thanks for stopping by my friend.

  2. Heather Cameron
    Heather Cameron says:

    Nice post, I found your website via Nate Leung site. I’m currently responsible for both my parents. They are in independent living section of a retirement home but I’m their main support system.

    • TandyMain
      TandyMain says:

      Hi Heather, thanks for stopping by. Being a family caregiver is one of life’s greatest challenges and joys. How long have you been their main support system? Do you live in the area?


Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. […] –        The best gift you can give yourself – part 1 […]

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *