5 Things to NEVER Apologize For

5 Things to NEVER Apologize For

Having a lack of boundaries_TandyElisala

Earlier this week, I facilitated a discussion about boundaries, family dynamics and self-care for a depression support group in Phoenix, AZ. As we discussed these topics, I emphasized that “NO” is a complete sentence. I encouraged participants to say NO to what doesn’t align with their values or goals. Saying NO can be difficult; particularly if we are conditioned to say YES or want to please others. This got me thinking about things we apologize for or justify; such as the story that ensures when saying no to something. Then, I thought… whatshould we never apologize for. The following list includes 5 Things to NEVER Apologize For:

 

1. Going to sleep early or sleeping in! Have you ever been around family at home and really wanted to just go to bed but decide to stay up with the rest of the family? Have you ever wanted to sleep in and found yourself apologizing for it? You can’t possibly take care of others unless you take care of yourself first. Honor yourself and practice radical self-care.  Go to sleep early or sleep in proudly! Here’s a funny little missive.

Sleeptillnoon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. Saying NO! You knew this was coming, right!?! I recognize saying ‘no’ can be difficult for a number of reasons. The important thing to remember here is to say no to what doesn’t serve you and don’t apologize for it! Here are some alternatives to just saying no:

  • I’m unable to commit to that right now.
  • I really appreciate you asking me, however, I’m unable to do xxx.
  • I’m going to say no for now. I’ll let you know if that changes.
  • I’m honored that you would ask me, however, my answer is no.
  • I understand you really need my help but I’m just not able to say yes to that.

 

“ Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” ~ Brene Brown

 

3.  Taking Vacations! You work hard and play hard and deserve every vacation you take. I’ve actually heard people apologize for taking vacations. Never apologize for a vacation! If you feel you have to apologize for taking a vacation, you may want to evaluate the situations and types of people around you.

 

4. Letting Go of Friendships that No Longer Serve you! Let’s face it, not all friendships are designed to be for the long haul. Some people are in our lives for a time and a season and may not serve us as we grow. Other friends are like maintenance friends.They are people we don’t spend a lot of time with or talk to very often but we still send them cards, the occasional texts or call them periodically. Then, there are lifetime friends. These are people that are with you through thick and thin and are there for the long haul. They are positive and help lift you up. They serve as a positive influence in your life and they love seeing your light shine (as you do theirs). The new year is a good a time as any to evaluate your friendships and unapologetically let go of friends that bring you down or fall into the ‘here for a season’ category. Release, let go and say this:

Thankyouforyourpartinmyjourney

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5. Being Happy! Everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone makes their own happiness and finding happiness within is the best happiness there is. Whatever you do, never, ever apologize for being happy.

andsuddenlythemouthgoes_smile

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s YOUR turn: Which of these 5 things resonates with you the most? Can you think of anything else we should never apologize for? Please comment below!

 

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Tandy Elisala

Family Caregiver Coach, Cancer Empowerment Advocate and Chief Inspiration Officer at Center for Inspiring Greatness | Empowered Family Caregiver
Tandy Elisala is passionate about helping family caregivers go from being overwhelmed and stressed to empowered and calm. Tandy went through cancer four times and learned how to heal using conventional, complementary, and alternative therapy. Tandy left her corporate career to take care of both parents simultaneously while raising three kids as a single mom. She took care of both parents for 2 1/2 years until their respective deaths. Tandy now teaches what she learned on her journey. Tandy is a family caregiver coach, a multiple best-selling author, inspirational speaker and mom to three adult kids, one angel dog and one diva cat.

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24 replies
  1. Mira Dessy, NE, The Ingredient Guru and author The Pantry Principle
    Mira Dessy, NE, The Ingredient Guru and author The Pantry Principle says:

    Great post! I love #3 – vacations. With the ability to “do business anywhere” many of my clients don’t take time off to rest and recharge. I remind them that down time is important to help restore us both physically, mentally, and emotionally. It doesn’t need to be a big 10 day cruise kind of vacation. Even just one day with a break from technology, spending time outside, or taking a day trip can be a vacation. But you’ll feel better and be sharper and less stressed if you take that time.

    Reply
    • Tandy Elisala
      Tandy Elisala says:

      Right on, Mira! I agree that one day vacations and breaks from technology can do A LOT to refresh our minds and bodies.

      Reply
  2. Jessica
    Jessica says:

    I totally relate to the “sleeping late” one! I write better at night and after a day of work I like to watch some TV to mellow me out which gets me to bed on the late side. I am not nor have ever been a “morning person.” I like to sleep until my body chooses to wake up (unless I have somewhere to be). I love my 8-10 hours and I’m not going to apologize for them.. nor will i judge those who choose to go to bed at 9:30pm and wake up at 4 to work out. All power to them! I just won’t be joining them.

    Reply
    • Tandy Elisala
      Tandy Elisala says:

      Thanks, Mary Ellen. I’m glad you like the alternatives to saying ‘no’ and letting go of friends that don’t lift you up!

      Reply
  3. Lauri Perdue
    Lauri Perdue says:

    All 5 resonate with me personally or professionally. A working mother of five, I often feel the guilt of sleeping in or even thinking about not being the last one up to turn off lights or start the dishwasher! I have a great friend that I have tried to hang on to over the years but our lives have become increasing different and have felt guilt about that great friendship slipping away. With less and less staff at work these days I feel guilty about taking time off or even for sick days and I never say no to helping out in other areas that are not my responsibility. Your article reminded me of the control I do have over my circumstances and that I can still give 110% while having a healthy balance! Here’s to a great 2015!

    Reply
    • Tandy Elisala
      Tandy Elisala says:

      Thanks, Lauri. I’m SO glad that all five resonated with you on all levels. Take control. Be the best you can be and cheers for a fabulous 2015!

      Reply
  4. Carrie Ann Tripp (@CarrieAnnTripp)
    Carrie Ann Tripp (@CarrieAnnTripp) says:

    Tandy,

    What a great list! I wrote a post in 2014 that made my Top 10 List called “Why It’s Ok to Quit” that speaks of some of the same things you mentioned. It’s a hard lesson to learn for those of us that are both doers and control freaks. A very important lesson for our health, but a hard one to learn and accept.

    Reply
    • Tandy Elisala
      Tandy Elisala says:

      Thanks for your comments, Carrie Ann! I agree this is a hard lesson for those of us who are control freaks and want to see everything done ‘right’. It’s a process…

      Reply

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  1. […] Remember that NO is a complete sentence! I’ve talked about this before and provide some tips for alternatives to saying “no” here. […]

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