I was recently going through some filing and found this letter from my dad. I don’t know who wrote it but being the DOG LOVER I am, I thought I’d infuse a little humor, adapt a bit and share for #NationalPetMonth.
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way. It also doesn’t mean to sit up and proceed to lay back down in the same place.
Here’s a picture of my sweet dogs, Roxy, and (the late) Colonel. In case there was any doubt, Colonel was the great Dane… or as my dad would call him, the ‘big damn dog’.
Here’s Colonel laying on the couch with my dad. Isn’t he adorable?
Back to the story.
The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help, because I fall faster than you can run. Also, stop looking behind us incessantly as we go down the stairs. Just walk at an even pace and everyone will be fine.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
There is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is to kiss me, then do smell the other dog’s butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you. Why is it so hard?
Rules for non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:
- The dog lives here. You don’t.
- If you don’t want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
- I like my dog a lot better than I like most people. #Truth
- To you, he/she’s a dog. To me, he/she’s an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly.
- Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don’t ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don’t hang out with drug-using friends, don’t smoke or drink, don’t worry about buying the latest fashions, don’t wear your clothes and don’t need a gazillion dollars for college.
Want more pet goodness?
The same applies to cats, except they ignore you until you are asleep. Here’s an article I wrote about cats and their personalities you’ll find amusing. Here’s our cat, Emma.
My beloved cat, Carmine, passed away last year. Here’s a tribute I wrote about him.
I really, really love dogs. I’m writing a book about how canines and felines can help heal. Here’s an article I wrote about how our pets can help us heal. Roxy and Colonel both saved my parent’s lives multiple times without any special training. Doesn’t that make them even cuter?! Check out that article here.
Here are more pet pictures because… who doesn’t love pet pictures!?!
To prove that I love Emma too, here’s another gorgeous picture of her taken from my daughter, Amanda’s Instagram account.