3 Grief Myths and How To Bust Through Them

3 Grief Myths and How To Bust Through Them

3 Grief Myths and How To Bust Through Them

There are so many facets to grief. There are many ways to manage and heal through grief. Some people have challenges grieving and moving through their feelings for a variety of reasons. Here are 3 grief myths and how to bust through them:

 

GRIEF MYTH #1: Grief is a bad thing.

On the surface, one might think that grieving is bad…that crying is bad…that expressing grief means you are stuck and if you just avoid it all together, the grief will go away. The opposite is true. The more you avoid your feelings and prevent them from surfacing, the more your feelings will be suppressed and the wider impact you’ll experience across other areas of your life. For example, if you are grieving a lost relationship and decide to suppress your feelings, it may be difficult to experience true intimacy with another relationship moving forward. Somehow, someway… feelings buried alive never die. They always ALWAYS manifest in your life in some way, shape or form. Remember that allowing yourself to truly feel what you are feeling is the ONLY way to heal.

GRIEF MYTH #2: If you just get “over it” things will be better.

One of my pet peeves is hearing someone say to someone else “Get over xxx.” I love this about as much as I love being outside in 120 degree weather in the middle of summer in Phoenix wearing a long sleeve polyester turtleneck. * I don’t!*

We NEVER EVER get OVER things. We get THROUGH things. Click To Tweet

We NEVER EVER get OVER things. We get THROUGH things.Whether you’ve experienced a relationship loss, job/career loss, pet loss, money loss or any other kind of loss, it’s a grieving process (key word here is process). It takes time to get through the various layers of grief. If you aren’t allowing yourself to feel the grief and forgiveness (of others and yourself), you are stuffing your emotions and feelings buried alive never, ever die.

This month is about FREEDOM. The only way to truly be free is to effectively process grief and forgiving…for yourself.

 

GRIEF MYTH #3: Grieving makes the situation okay or will make you  ‘forget’ the person or situation you are grieving.

Please understand that grieving is for YOU. There are so many forms of grief and reasons to grieve including:

  1. Loss of relationship
  2. Loss of job
  3. Death
  4. Loss of important material things
  5. Loss of home/finances
  6. Loss of health
  7. Loss of someone for who they were before (insert situation here)

When my dad suffered severe Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) after a horrific 20+ car pile up, I grieved the loss of the man he was before the accident. It was particularly difficult for me since I was his full-time caregiver and experienced my loss every.single.day as I took care of him. My kids experienced grief over the grandfather they lost and learned to accept who he was afterwards. My mom experienced the loss of her husband of 44 years at the time and had to learn to accept who he was since his accident. The same was true for my sister. It was a difficult time for everyone.

I learned to grieve the man we lost and embrace who my dad became while remembering the precious memories we held so dear. Grieving doesn’t mean you forget.. It means you love yourself enough to move through your emotions. If you are grieving the death of someone dear, you can still feel your feelings and move through the grief stages and remember the love and the relationship you had. You can learn to love again and that in no way diminishes the love you lost.

To summarize:

  1. You’ve got to FEEL in order to HEAL.
  2. You grieve to get THROUGH situations and experience true freedom for YOU.
  3. Grieving doesn’t diminish your love or positive aspects of the situation you are grieving. It’s allowing you to be free and have inner peace…which is the goal, after all!

It’s YOUR Turn: Have you experienced these grief myths or others? How has experiencing grief helped you in your life? Please comment below.

OUR NEXT FREE MONTHLY COACHING CALL IS JULY 27TH AND IS ALL ABOUT FORGIVENESS AND GRIEF.

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Tandy Elisala

Founder and Chief Inspiration Officer at Center for Inspiring Greatness
Tandy Elisala is passionate about bringing hope and wholehearted living to people going through cancer and their caregivers. Tandy went through cancer four times and learned how to heal using conventional, complementary, and alternative therapy. She left her 23-year corporate career to take care of both parents simultaneously for 2 ½ years. She now teaches what she learned on her journey and how to thrive during and after cancer using the true sources of health and healing: hope and mindset, spiritual connection, relationships, alignment and mind, body healing. Tandy is a multiple best-selling author, radio show host, mother of three grown kids and her precious dog, Roxy. Learn more about Tandy at www.tandyelisala.com.

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18 replies
  1. Andrea Viernes of LeBrun Advisory Group
    Andrea Viernes of LeBrun Advisory Group says:

    I have found this article related with the movie, “Inside Out”, which is also giving us a message that sadness or grief is also needed in everyone’s life for us to appreciate more the happiness that we have had. It is not always happiness that can make our life more meaningful, sometimes we have to cry our heart out to feel relieved and then happy again. Great article here Tandy! 🙂

    Reply
    • Tandy Elisala
      Tandy Elisala says:

      Thanks for your comments, Andrea. I SO agree with you. Sadness or grief does eventually help us appreciate all the goodness life has to offer. Sometimes we have to cry and FEEL our emotions to allow the natural flow of life.

      Reply
  2. Kristen Wilson
    Kristen Wilson says:

    I think to add to #3.. the moving forward is the hard thing for folks.. thinking that in doing so that they will forget their loved ones… as you said or feel guilty for doing so. Grief comes in all forms, that is for sure and we all deal with it differently based on the loss. Thanks for busting these tips.
    Kristen Wilson recently posted…5 Twitter Tips for BeginnersMy Profile

    Reply
  3. Carol Rundle
    Carol Rundle says:

    I think we are all living in some stage of grief at every moment of our lives. Things happen, people come and go from our lives. There is always something to grieve. Once we accept that this is how life works and it’s normal, we won’t be so hard on ourselves (and others) who may be at a different stage of grief in their lives.

    Reply
    • Tandy Elisala
      Tandy Elisala says:

      Agreed, Carol. Great points you raise. Sometimes, people are in our lives for a reason or a season and that’s okay. I think if we can release being hard on ourselves, grieving comes easier.

      Reply
  4. Robin
    Robin says:

    Good article. Grief is a process, and your points are good. After losing both parents (3 months apart), I had to care for family (2 young kids), and I finally just had to allow myself to grieve. Just pushing through does not work.

    Reply
    • Tandy Elisala
      Tandy Elisala says:

      Right on, Robin. Feelings buried alive never die so you are right that pushing through does not work… at least not long term.

      Reply
    • Tandy Elisala
      Tandy Elisala says:

      Thanks, Alene. I find sharing my experience with my father helps with my healing and helps others as well – a win-win!

      Reply
  5. Candess M. Campbell
    Candess M. Campbell says:

    Thanks for these tips. I often tell clients that when you have a current loss, all the other losses attach to it like a train and you relive the other loses as well. It can be overwhelming. It is important to feel your feelings and then distract yourself and do something that usually would feel fun, then feel your feelings and distract, and so on.
    Candess M. Campbell recently posted…The Prostitute ArchetypeMy Profile

    Reply
    • Tandy Elisala
      Tandy Elisala says:

      You are absolutely right, Candess. Grieving for one person can be overwhelming. I like your idea of incorporating something fun in life as you grieve to help process things.

      Reply
    • Tandy Elisala
      Tandy Elisala says:

      I’m glad you resonated with this article, Kebba. It definitely takes time and is a very individual thing.

      Reply

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